I used to think I’d cheat. Now I know I won’t.
Mental adultery is a slippery slope towards physical adultery.
“I’m a good husband—I love my wife and family. But I find myself thinking about other women, regularly. Cheating is wrong—I know better—I’m not questioning whether this is right. Oh, I have all the scriptures down, but scriptures don’t always jump off the page like the picture of a woman in her bra and panties does. The truth is that I had a number of sexual experiences before marriage, and now I’m supposed to be with one woman…for the rest of my life? I’m going to try hard because my family is worth it. Still, the struggle looms and with it uncertainty.”
That was me several years ago—I was a guy who most would consider a fantastic husband and father. But I’m also a man, and men can make some pretty poor decisions in the sex department—women too. Growing up I was like most guys, I think. Chasing after women was just a part of my life like watching football or playing golf. The problem was, however, that the same mental habits that attracted me to my wife and made me decide to get married in the first place didn’t just automatically go away when I said “I do.” The fact is—as crazy as it sounds—my brain never got married. My body was trying to stay faithful, but my mind was living the single life.
Man or woman, you get what you think about. I thought about going to college…I did. Recently, I thought about buying a new car…there is now a new car in the garage. When you practice undressing someone in your mind, it’s not absurd to think you might end up really doing it in real life. My marriage became bulletproof when I decided my wife was going to be the focus of my sexual thoughts—not the female half of the species.
Now that my brain isn’t sautéing in sexual fantasy, I can appreciate the nuances of marriage for what they are—real life. Because my brain is now married, no woman will ever work at the office, walk down the street, or just show up in a random movie and command my attention ever again. Sure I still find women attractive, but it stops at that. I appreciate that God made men and women for each other, and that attractive woman walking down the street was made for someone other than me.
Good, moral decisions sow seeds guaranteed to produce a big harvest. I’ve stopped sowing seeds in my brain that can only produce a harvest of discontent and dissatisfaction with my wife. I’ve made a commitment to thinking about my wife as a real family member. I don’t fantasize about having other kids or other parents because you don’t divorce your kids or your parents—they’re real family members. Now I don’t fantasize about other women because I made my wife a real family member too.
